


Dark Horse

by Vorcha_Girl



Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Love, Love Confessions, Romance, Sex, Sexual Content, Shameless Smut, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-06-13
Updated: 2015-06-13
Packaged: 2018-04-04 05:25:55
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,134
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4126881
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Vorcha_Girl/pseuds/Vorcha_Girl
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>They say that opposites attract, and on the night of Shepard's Citadel party, Jack and Kaidan prove just how true that is. (Shameless smutty oneshot about my favourite two biotics!)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dark Horse

**Author's Note:**

>   
>    
>  **Art by Leo-Fina on Deviant Art**

_Disclaimer: I don't own Mass Effect_

**A/N – This fic is a side pairing from my Shega fic Lights in the Sky. But you don't have to read that fic to enjoy this one! I've always loved the Kaidan/Jack pairing, and there really isn't enough fic for them out there. So, on that note I hope you enjoy this fic! Oh – it's NSFW!**

* * *

The noise of the party in Rennah Shepard's Citadel apartment had steadily grown until it was a dull roar; laughter, conversation and dance music mixing freely. Jack tapped the toe of her boot in time to the music, itching to get back out there again. The idea of finding Kaidan Alenko and forcing him to dance with her had a certain appeal, and she grinned maliciously. But first she had to finish her business with Shepard, then she'd be free as a proverbial bird.

The tattoo gun thrummed under her fingers, a strong firm buzz that she felt in her bones as she guided it over Shepard's skin. The tattoo she was doing was small and detailed, infinitely delicate, and the illustration was full of meaning. Even the tiniest mistake would ruin it, and Jack wasn't going to chance fucking it up.

"Going okay there, Princess?" She craned her neck around to look at Shepard as she winced. "Too much for you, hmm?"

"Hardly." Shepard, Commander of the Normandy and one of the few people Jack respected, chuckled. "Come on, the last time we did this you tattooed my whole goddamned back. A tiny little neck tattoo isn't going to hurt me."

Jack leaned back and grinned to herself. "Yeah, but the last time you were _plastered_. This time you seem pretty damned sober."

"Someone has to make sure you don't trash the apartment."

She wiped some blood and ink off the back of Shepard's neck. "Yeah, like you could stop me."

 _Typical Shepard_ , Jack thought as she went back to work, _always worrying about keeping other people happy_. The woman could be a real hard ass when she wanted to, but mostly she went too far out of her way to make sure other people were okay. Once upon a time, Jack would have laughed, but there was method to Shepard's madness. Her crew were loyal; loyal enough that when Hackett gave Kaidan temporary command of the Normandy, he'd had a hard time getting some of them to fall in line.

Jack grinned at the memory. When she'd met Kaidan at Purgatory all those months ago, she'd almost dismissed him off-hand as a typical Alliance pretty boy. With his clean cut good looks and his wholesome behaviour, she'd been prepared not to like him. _Especially_ after the way he'd broken Shepard's heart on Horizon. But then she'd gone and shaken his hand and … _BAM_ … she'd been hit with a bolt of electricity.

She'd felt his biotics run through her like a fucking electric current, shocking her senseless and almost knocking her on her ass. It was the first time she'd met anyone who came close to her own level of power, and she had been drawn to him from that moment on. That biotic spark that flared between them intrigued her, and she'd been trying to work out what it was about him that she liked ever since.

He seemed too good to be true, and she'd learned the hard way over the years that if something seemed too good than it usually was. And it didn't help that she'd spent a good few months listening to Shepard rant about Kaidan after he broke her heart on Horizon. In fact, she'd been determined to hate him.

But she hadn't been able to.

Instead she'd jumped on him the first chance she had and suffered the indignity of his gentle rebuff. When they met up again and he took her out for coffee, she'd tried to bounce him into bed again, and again he resisted. Over the last few months they'd grown closer and their dates lasted longer into the night. Chaste kisses turned steamy and one or twice Jack had been sure Kaidan was on the brink of giving into her.

But he always held back.

 _Infuriating damned man_ , Jack cursed him as she went over the simple pattern on Shepard's neck, the needle biting into her pale skin. Deep down she knew it more than just sexual tension that was getting her low. At some point, despite everything she'd told herself and everything she'd done, she'd managed to fall in love with him. _Love_. The thought of the word made her stomach turn nervously, and she forced her hand to stay steady.

 _Love_ was terrifying.

It was almost as though Shepard read her thoughts as she cleared her throat. "You know, you and Kaidan seem pretty good together," she commented.

Jack tried not to tense, but her back went rigid. "Really? You think that even after everything you said about him on the Normandy?" She hoped she sounded _slightly_ friendly, the last thing she wanted to do was offend her best friend. "If I remember right, you called him a lot of names back then. A _back-stabbing son of a bitch_ , a _loveless bastard who used you and walked away_ , a _fucking asshole who you wished you'd left on Virmire_." She could have rattled off more, but Shepard hung her head and _laughed_.

"Yeah," she twisted around so Jack could see her face. Shepard had the grace to look embarrassed and shrugged. "I was pretty angry with him for walking away from me, and I said a lot of shit I didn't mean. Hell, you know the story – I was expecting Kaidan to be glad to see me and instead I got the shaft." She shrugged and looked down at her hands. "But I didn't mean any of it. Not really. Whatever Kaidan and I were to each other, we're friends now. Plus, in retrospect, I'm not sure I would have trusted me either if I rocked up working for Cerberus."

"Wow." Jack paused and clapped her on the shoulder. "The great Commander Shepard admitting she got something wrong? Fuck me!"

Shepard snorted. "Save that kind of talk for Kaidan."

"Fuck you." Jack grinned and went back to tattooing, the tension oozing out of her. "He did hurt you though, Shep. Are you really telling me that you're fine with what he did?"

The room went quiet as Shepard considered her words, the burr of the tattoo gun the only sound. Eventually Shepard shrugged again. "He broke my heart," she agreed. "But he never meant to hurt me. Shit, Kaidan doesn't have it in him to hurt anyone maliciously. And honestly, I'm not sure if we would have made it as a couple. On the SR-1 we were caught up chasing Saren and things kind of happened between us. Kaidan's a great guy, but after meeting Jimmy on Earth …" she glanced up, her gaze clearly on the open bedroom door where they could see Vega chatting with Cortez by the fireplace. "James isn't like anyone I've ever met. I have this feeling that I would have fallen for him eventually."

"You're going soft, Shepard." Jack chuckled despite her words; Shepard and the big lieutenant _were_ a good match.

Besides, it meant Kaidan was hers for the taking.

Jack finished the design and wiped away the rest of the blood and ink. A shadow passed by the door and she glanced up to see Kaidan. Her mouth ran dry as she took in the black t-shirt and black jeans he was wearing; he always looked amazing out of uniform. And black was definitely his colour. He walked up to James and Cortez, conversed with them briefly, and then headed towards the kitchen. Try as she might, she couldn't seem to tear her eyes off him until he vanished from view.

"Looks like I'm not the only one going soft." Shepard punched her on the shoulder and laughed. "I never thought I'd see that day that _Subject Zero_ would fall for a clean-cult Alliance soldier."

"Shut up." She rechecked the tattoo and ignored her teasing. "I was planning to hate him, you know."

Her friend looked up and nodded. "Yeah, I know. Don't feel too bad though, Kaidan is _nice_. Really nice. And you two have a lot in common; he's brave and had a shitty childhood too. Plus you both have those zingy biotics."

"I've never met anyone like him before." Jack smeared medigel over the tattoo and searched for the words to explain how he made her feel. This emotional shit wasn't really her cup of tea, but she didn't have anyone else to talk to. "He doesn't just want to fuck me and take off, he actually seems to like me and get where I'm coming from. And God, Shepard! The way it feels when he touches me!"

Shepard laughed and plopped back on the bed. "The biotics? Yeah, it's a kick when you're with someone that powerful. You know he's probably almost as powerful as you."

"Hardly!" She scoffed, though she knew it was true. "But it's a fucking adrenaline rush when he touches me. Fireworks and all that shit."

The Commander raised her eyebrows and smirked. "So, have you two … ?"

"No." Jack frowned. "I keep offering to take him back to my place all that crap, but he keeps shooting me down and telling me he wants to wait." Heat burned in her cheeks at what felt like rejection, and she busied herself with disassembling and cleaning her tattoo gun. "Maybe it's me."

Shepard tossed her head back and laughed. "Are you kidding me? I've seen the way he looks at you, Jack, and believe me, Kaidan is gagging for it just as much as you are. It's just that he's a gentleman. You need to romance him."

 _Romance?_ Jack's mouth fell open and she blinked in surprise. "Oh come on, you want me to romance him?" She met Shepard's gaze doubtfully. "I've never, _you know_ , done any of that stuff before."

"You don't have to play the violin and give him red roses. Just get some beers, get him alone and tell him how you feel."

She shifted uneasily. "How I feel?"

Her chest tightened at the thought; Kaidan made her feel things she hadn't felt in a long time, if ever before. When he touched and held her she felt safe and calm, and the anger went away. And when they kissed it was like lightning in her veins - he made her feel more alive than ever before.

She wanted him. She wanted to wrap herself around him and have him every way she could. It was like a desperate beating pulse in the back of her mind; a craving. She'd never allowed herself to trust anyone like him before, let alone to love them, but she'd fallen for him well and truly. It was ridiculous that after spending her life avoiding love, she'd fallen for a fucking _boy scout_.

 _Though_ , she reminded herself, _he was a fucking powerful boy scout; one she could depend on and trust._

"You're good for him," Shepard interrupted her thoughts. "And I think he's good for you." She pulled her shirt back on. "You're a good match."

Jack rolled her eyes. "You sound like Vega."

"Good." Shepard grinned and slugged her on the arm. "In all honesty, I'm glad you found each other."

There was a warmth in her violet eyes that Jack rarely saw, and she shuffled awkwardly. "Shit Shepard, you're gonna make me blush."

"Just go for it. You're a hot chick and he digs you; seduce him." Shepard hopped off the bed and turned around to glance at her. "And let's be honest; you _both_ need to blow off some steam." She winked and laughed as she trotted out the doorway, far too amused for Jack's liking.

She shook her head and put her gun, ink and tools away, then slid off the bed and padded to the kitchen, her mind buzzing with thoughts. Hell, Shepard's idea had merit – _give him beer, get him alone and make a night of it. Easy peasy. How hard could it be?_ She ignored the dancing idiots in the kitchen and snagged two beers, then went looking for Kaidan.

She found him in the bar area, talking quietly with Miranda and Kasumi. Miranda saw her approaching and smirked as she stretched out a hand and curled her talons around Kaidan's wrist, laughing at something he said. Jack's blood boiled and she fought with everything she had to stop herself flaring angrily; Miranda was baiting her _again_. She ignored the brunette as she approached, absurdly pleased when Kaidan smoothly shook her _perfect_ little hand off.

Jack nudged him on the shoulder and scowled at Miranda. "Come on, soldier boy. I have a beer with your name on it."

His gorgeous eyes, so warm and open, met hers and his mouth quirked into a smile. Miranda snickered as Kaidan snagged the beer and took her hand, a powerful jolt of biotic energy leaping between them. His aftershave, delicious and spicy, teased her senses and she breathed deep as she led the way forwards, fighting for control over her devious body.

"See you two later." Kaidan called over his shoulder as he followed her, his hand squeezing hers tightly.

Jack led the way up the stairs, away from the raucous party. She heard Kasumi call out something from behind them that sounded like 'good luck' followed by shrieks of laughter, but she focused on the sensation of Kaidan's hand in hers. Let them laugh like harpies if they wanted to. She paused outside Shepard's bedroom door and she grinned as a wicked idea occurred to her.

"Feeling adventurous?" she asked Kaidan as she stepped closer, enjoying the prickling rush of power as his biotics washed over her.

_God, he was strong._

This was the part where he'd normally back away or clear his throat and look adorable and flustered, instead Kaidan cracked his beer and took a pull. His gaze held hers and there was a crackling energy in his eyes that made things low in her belly twist with excitement. She knew _that_ look; it was the primitive darkness people got in their eyes when they thought of sex.

She shivered as Kaidan lowered his beer and closed the space between them, his power racing across her skin in a stinging wave. "Oh, I'm feeling adventurous," he murmured. His lips hesitated over hers. "What do you have in mind?"

"Hot tub?" she replied weakly, almost swooning under the onslaught of his biotics.

"Perfect."

He leaned forward and kissed her, tasting of beer and salty snacks, and Jack melted into his embrace. She returned his kiss hungrily, wrapping her arms his neck and snuggling close as he snaked an arm around her waist. It felt good. His lips were firm against hers and the hint of tongue in the kiss was enough to make her groan invitingly.

Together they backed into Shepard's room and Jack fumbled behind her, sliding the door closed after them. How they made it from the doorway to the bathroom was beyond her, but she had a vague memory of Kaidan kissing her harder and more forcefully as he walked them there step by step. He seemed unwilling to release her from his hold. It was exciting. _Invigorating_. He was still gentle and his hands were loving on her body, but there was strength and conviction in the way he held her.

It was as though once Kaidan Alenko made up his mind to do something, he went after it with all of his heart. Or maybe was just as sick of their game as she was. Or maybe he was slightly drunk and really horny. She had no idea. He wasn't like most men – they'd have fucked her and been done with her by now.

But not him.

For some reason, Kaidan was sticking by her.

They closed the bathroom door behind them and Kaidan's mouth moved along her jaw, nuzzling and nipping at her skin. He playfully nibbled her earlobe and then slowly pulled away, his brown eyes ablaze with need. She stared back, her body on fire from the way he'd kissed and touched her. She could feel her need for him in every inch of her body; burning, aching and _wanting._

"So, Jack." Kaidan casually glanced at the hot tub. "I don't suppose you've got a bathing suit someone under that outfit?"

"I don't suppose I do," she confirmed. "What about you, Alenko? You hiding your swimming briefs in those BDUs?" She slid her hands around to squeeze his ass for emphasis, and a broad grin danced across his face.

"I'm afraid not."

Jack slid her jacket off her shoulders and let it fall to the floor, raising one eyebrow at him. "Oh dear. I suppose we'll have to go in naked."

Kaidan's mouth twitched. "No choice, really," he agreed and set his beer down on the floor.

He whipped off his shirt and Jack's mind went numb at the stretch of awesomely tanned skin he exposed. His chest was far more chiselled than she'd imagined and his washboard abs looked firm enough to fucking eat off. She somehow managed to raise her eyes to his as he kicked off his shoes and unbuttoned the top of his jeans; he was watching her, and he looked damned pleased at her reaction.

_Damn him!_

"Don't look so smug," she told him haughtily, and with a wink she set her beer down beside his and unzipped her boots.

She kicked them off, then her socks, and sat on the edge of the vanity as she wriggled her way out of her tight pants. Everything she shed, she left in a pile on the bathroom floor. Kaidan watched her quietly, and it felt good to have his eyes on her body, following her tattoos as they were exposed to his view. Normally, undressing in front of a lover felt like taking off her armour; she felt exposed and naked. But with Kaidan it felt different.

When she was down to her underwear; a black thong and her white bandage top she paused and looked across at him. Kaidan had finished stripping off his pants and for a moment there was silence as they considered one another. The soft burbling of the hot tub was the only sound as Jack crossed the floor to Kaidan and slid her hands across the muscled expanse of his chest.

He was exquisitely built, and her hands followed the chiselled lines of his muscles as she traced his body. His muscles rippled, jumping under her hands as they dipped lower and she slid her fingers into the waistband of his boxers. Teasingly, she hooked them in and stepped closer, letting her lower half brush against his. She could feel his erection, and it sent a thrill through her; she turned him on.

Kaidan cupped her face in his hands and lifted her chin so he could kiss her. This time, his mouth was gentle on hers and his hands were soothing as they stroked down her arms and across her back. They traced the swell of her breasts and lower across her tummy, making butterflies erupt within. She shivered in his arms and pressed closer, enjoying the warmth of his skin just as much as she did the pulse of his biotics.

She rested in his arms for a moment, then spoke up. "Why now?"

"Mmm?" His hands continued their exploration and he traced tattoos and scars usually hidden from him.

"Why give in to me now? I've been trying to jump your bones for months." Jack pulled back a little to look into his face.

His hands stilled and settled on her waist. "Because the war is getting worse and I don't know when we're next going to get a chance to be alone." He took a deeper breath and then added, "Because I love you."

Jack blinked and couldn't stop the foolish thrill that ran through her body at his soft words. After months of chasing after him, months of throwing herself at him, and months of frustration, he was finally ready to sleep with her because he loved her? A small part of her that was usually frozen and cold warmed at his words, and she smiled slowly.

_He loves me!_

"You're such a softie," she teased, wriggling closer in his arms. "But I, _you know_ , love you too."

He smiled and kissed her again. His hands slipped around the back of her neck and he unclasped the fastening of her shirt; the bandage straps fell away. Jack's breath caught in her throat as he pressed a kiss to each side of her neck, and his hands moved lower as he began to roll her shirt up. She lifted her arms for him and he tugged the shirt free in a careful movement; the warm air in the bathroom caressing her bare breasts.

She heard her shirt fall to the floor in a quiet rustle of fabric, then Kaidan kissed her again. His hands cupped her breasts, and he murmured pleasantly against her mouth as he backed her against the wall and slid a thigh between hers. It felt fucking amazing to be touched; to have rough masculine hands touching and shaping her flesh again, and she groaned happily and arched her back.

It _was_ good; but she wanted so much more. Touching and kissing _were_ nice, but she wanted to feel his body in hers. She wanted to take his flesh in her mouth and hear him cry out from pleasure. Then she wanted to fuck him senseless until he screamed her name and their biotics mingled in that perfect way that she knew they could. Her arousal shot through her and she pushed against him as he held her to the wall, her hands hungrily clawing at his back as she kissed him.

"Hot tub," she ordered breathlessly against his lips. "Now."

"Aye aye, ma'am." Kaidan stepped back, his face flushed.

He stripped off his boxes and his manhood sprung free; hard and ready. Jack swallowed at the sight of it and quickly slid her own black panties off – tossing them to the side without a thought. His eyes feasted on her, roaming over her tattoos and curves. The way he looked at her, like a dying man looking at water, made her melt, and she jerked her head at the water before she lost control of herself completely.

Kaidan slid in first and watched her follow him, his golden gaze tracking her every move. As soon as she was in the water he was back at her side and Jack took him into her arms. Their mouths met hungrily, desperately, and she followed his lead; happy to give into the pounding urge to be with him.

The warm water foamed around them as their mouths met hungrily, and Jack pressed her mouth to his throat and along his muscular shoulders. Her hands, ever adventurous, wrapped around his manhood and squeezed gently, eliciting a groan from him. The sound made her shiver with pleasure, and she moved her lips to his chest; licking droplets of water and enjoying the small sounds of bliss he made.

It was as though a dam had burst and everything they'd been holding inside was free; their needs, wants and lusts. Their power crackled through the air, and their skin glowed as their biotics swirled and combined like wisps of blue smoke. Kaidan's hands stroked her body, touching everywhere they possibly could; desperate to feel every square inch of her.

She pumped her hand up and down his length, loving the tactile feel of his velvety hardness in her hands. So long and thick. So _perfect_. He groaned and shuddered, and his eyes snapped open as she chuckled. He snaked an arm around her waist and pulled her to him, kissed her and slid his tongue into her mouth as he slid his fingers into the folds at the apex of her thighs.

Jack gasped at the sensations he roused as he pressed her back against the side of the hot tub and continued moving his fingers. His tongue thrust into her mouth and he copied the movement with his fingers, working them in and out, swirling them around her clit. He ate every one of her moans and cries, drinking them down as he kissed her and held her close.

It was too much, and when he finally nudged her legs apart and moved between them she was so strung out on sensation that all she could do was murmur his name. Kaidan lifted her, settling her on the edge of the hot tub as he angled himself and thrust into her, sliding his length into her warm depths. She swore and arched her back, her shoulders resting on the tiled floor as he took hold of her waist and began to move inside of her.

She rocked her hips in time with his movements, urging him on as he moved inside of her with slick thrusts. It felt wonderful, better than she'd ever imaged to have him stretching and filling her, but it wasn't enough. _She_ wanted to fuck _him_ hard and fast, to make him scream her name as she gave him the best night of his life

"Out," she managed to say, and patted the tiles next to her. "I want to fuck you."

"Whatever the lady wants."

Kaidan pulled away and climbed out of the tub, his muscles trembling from control or desire; maybe both. Jack pushed him onto the tiles, almost slamming him down as she crawled over his body and kissed him hard enough to bruise. He groaned her name and she grinned as she straddled him, reaching down and helping him slide back into her again as he brought her hips down.

Jack took his hands and pinned them down to the floor. She kissed him again and smirked as she began to move. She rolled her hips and rode him, moaning as he thrust into her; meeting each of her movements with his own. It felt fucking amazing, and warm ecstasy flooded through her in a biotic cascade that she couldn't even begin to describe. It felt like her body was on fire, but it was a good kind of burn. It was sweet and spicy at the same time; a roaring tension that grew as she increased her pace.

"Jack," Kaidan gasped her name, and his hands tightened convulsively on hers as he stared up with wild eyes. "I can't last much longer. _Fuck_."

"I'm almost there," she told him, biting her lip as the pleasure built. "Oh God, you feel so amazing."

He closed his eyes and shuddered beneath her as he came, his biotics flaring so brightly that Jack was dazzled. The sight of him losing control was enough to push her over the edge, and she screamed in pleasure as her orgasm hit her like a tsunami. The force of her release blew her mind; it shattered her senses and broke her into little bits. It had never felt like this before, and she clung tightly to Kaidan.

He was her rock.

When at least the pleasure faded, she slumped beside Kaidan, breathing hard as her heart hammered in her chest. His breathing was ragged too, but he wrapped his arms around her, holding her to him as their bodies calmed and their biotics dimmed. After a few moments he sat up, cradling her in his arms, and moved them both back to the hot tub.

Jack sighed happily as she was submerged in the warm water, sinking in up to her chin and closing her eyes as Kaidan held her to his chest. For long minutes neither of them spoke as they enjoyed the afterglow and each other's presence. When at last the fog cleared enough for Jack to think clearly, she opened her eyes and found Kaidan looking down at her with a grin on his face.

"What?" she mumbled as she pushed away, reaching the edge of the hot tub and snagging her beer.

"That was incredible." He took his own drink and sank into the water. "You're something else, Jack."

She let her eyes drift shut and nodded. "Right back at you."

The settled back into their companionable silence, broken only by the sounds of the water and the occasional clink as their bottles hit the edge of the hot tub. Jack stretched out and when her feet collided with Kaidan's she playfully ran them up his leg, stroking her toes along his muscled calves. He really was something else; she'd never felt this way before. And for the first time in her life, she didn't mean in the physical sense.

Yeah, the sex had been great, but it was _how_ he made her feel that felt different. She didn't feel vulnerable or weak when she was with him. She felt strong and protected, and she instinctively knew that Kaidan would protect her if he needed to. He'd fight for her. Not because she was useful or powerful, but because he loved her.

Tears sprang to her eyes, and she kept her lids stubbornly closed; _she wasn't going to cry like a stupid little girl just because she'd finally met someone who loved her_.

A light scuffling sound reached her ears and Jack froze, listening intently. She heard it again and her eyes shot open; the room was empty. Confused, she glanced around, trying to see what she might have heard, but there was nothing. Then, despite the empty room, she heard it again; _footsteps._

"Did you hear that?" Jack sat bolt upright and glanced around again with narrowed eyes.

"What?" Kaidan was still relaxed deep in the water and he cracked an eyelid sleepily, looking puzzled. "I didn't hear anything."

She opened her mouth to reply when she heard another sound; a low and partly stifled giggle. A moment later the bathroom door, which had inexplicably opened, slammed shut and Jack launched herself out of the spa, displacing a massive wave of water which almost submerged Kaidan. She crouched naked on the bathroom floor and opened the door a crack to glance through, but couldn't see anything. Of course, just because she couldn't see anyone it didn't mean there wasn't anyone there.

"Kasumi!" she hissed angry. "Goddamn it! How long were you in here?"

"Kasumi?" Kaidan repeated as he dragged himself out of the spa, his hair plastered to his face. Jack tore her eyes off his magnificent physique; now was not the time to let herself get distracted. "The woman who keeps sneaking around the party cloaked?"

She turned back to peek through the gap in the door, aware that she probably looked ridiculous. "Yes, her." she muttered and frowned angrily.

Whatever the hell Kasumi had been playing at it couldn't be anything good. She was annoying enough when she was sober! Drunk, she was an outright menace!

"Ah, Jack." Kaidan hesitantly tapped her on the shoulder. "Where have out clothes gone?"

_She wouldn't!_

Jack whirled around and sure enough, the messy pile they'd left their clothes in were gone. There wasn't anything left - not even a sock or an undergarment. Her blood boiled in her veins and a wave of irritation rose up and crashed over her as she realised what her _friend_ had done.

"She took them!" she growled angrily. "That fucking little idiot took them!"

Kaidan grabbed a towel and knotted it around his waist, a small smile playing on his mouth as he rubbed the back of his neck. "You, uh, don't think she was here when we ... ?"

"I don't know," she snapped and took the towel he offered her. It barely covered her nether regions, and she blushed when she saw Kaidan's eyes drift down her legs. Jack coughed loudly. "Our clothes?" she reminded him.

It was Kaidan's turn to blush. "Of course."

 _I'll kill her,_ Jack thought furiously as she turned back to the door, _I'm going to smash her bloody stealth program into little bits and then make that idiotic woman regret ever playing this trick!_ She flung open the door and stormed through the bedroom, Kaidan hot on her heels. They were almost at the bedroom door when it started to open, and she heard the sound of voices and laugher on the other side.

"… God knows what Kasumi is doing." Shepard's voice drifted in, low and amused. "I'm more interested in what we _could_ be doing, Mister Vega."

Jack froze and let out a small girlish squeak as Kaidan took hold of her arm and dragged her into the walk in wardrobe. They half closed the door and froze there, hidden in the darkness as Shepard and James almost fell through the bedroom door; locked in each other's arms. They were laughing about something, and could barely keep their hands off each other as they stumbled their way to the bed.

"Oh shit." Kaidan whispered and his hand tightened on her arm. "How do we get out? Should we just tell them that we're here?"

"Shhh!" Jack shushed him. "We can't go out there _now_!"

A grey alliance shirt that Jack recognised as James' landed in front of the half-open wardrobe door and she leapt back as though it would bite her. They heard more laughter, followed by a gasp and a groan, then the sound of the bed giving way. She edged back to the doorway and peaked out, sure enough James and Shepard were tangled together on the bed; he was shirtless and she was laughing and struggling to get out of her shirt while he kissed her.

Jack pulled back into the shadows. "Okay. We _have_ got to her out of here. Now."

"How?" Kaidan's eyes gleamed in the dark. "It's not like we can just leap out of the closet and shout _SURPRISE_!"

She turned to look at him, clutching the towel tightly to stop it falling down. "What do you want me to do?" she whispered back frantically. "I'm not going out there while they're fucking!"

"Well, I'm not staying here!" Kaidan pushed past her and paused by the door. "Look, I'm going to distract them, okay? As soon as they go for the bathroom, we're leaving! No looking back, we just run!"

"The bathroom?" she repeated dubiously.

"Just trust me."

She nodded then realised he couldn't see her in the dark. "I trust you. Now get us out of here!"

Kaidan nodded and reached his hand out the door. There was a biotic flash and the sound of something loudly smashing from the bathroom. Both James and Shepard swore loudly, and Jack heard a thump as something hit the floor.

"Kasumi!" She heard Shepard growl angrily, followed by the sound of footsteps.

"Now." Kaidan dodged out the wardrobe, dragging Jack with him as he slipped out the bedroom door and closed it silently.

There were no startled yells from the bedroom, no roars of outrage from James or Shepard, and they slunk away quickly, aware that the party was still in full swing and they were wearing _towels._ Jack sped through the empty upstairs sitting room and slipped into the spare bedroom where she and Kaidan were staying. He closed the door behind them, locked it and then leaned back against it and let his breath out in relief.

Then he burst out laughing.

"I don't get what's so funny," Jack grumbled as she walked to her overnight bag and pulled out a spare set of clothes. "Laughing is only going to encourage Kasumi to do it again."

"It's just," he caught his breath and then dissolved into laughter again. "We were like guilty teenagers caught in mum and dad's bedroom. Bolting from the room and slinking out in the shadows."

The image he painted _was_ amusing, and Jack rolled her eyes and grinned. "Well, at least we made a clean break."

"Yes indeed." Kaidan straightened and stepped towards her, a look or purpose in his eyes as he caught her in his arms and pulled her to him. "Now, what do you say we continue what we started back in the hot tub?" His hands tugged gently at her towel, and Jack chuckled at his boldness.

"I think I'd like that," she purred as her towel fell away and their lips met. "I think I'd like that _a lot_."

And of course, she did.

* * *

**A/N – They're such a sweet couple! I hope you enjoyed that, and of course I'd love to know what you thought!**


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